11/29/15

I was a mess. I was tired.......tired of loss, tired of fighting. Fighting for myself, for my right to be. I was tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was tired of trying to make things work.....with everyone. I had lost so much and so many. One person was taken from me, some walked away and others I pushed. I was scared to death of being close to anyone, of feeling anything. What was the point? Everyone leaves anyway, in one way or another. So, I traveled down the road of self destruction. I masked my fear with alcohol, a lot of alcohol. I hid behind my sea of booze so that I didn't have to face it alone. Beer was my companion, and whisky was my bff. Until the day that a little + sign changed my path. It wasn't all at once. The news put a fork in my road and I choose the path of light. I choose to veer from my path of darkness to a path unknown. It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, that is for sure. What is has been is a path of discovery. It has shown me what I am made of. This is a path of purpose, of self discovery and of hard work. I no longer cling to vices that were set to destroy me. I live now. I live for a little person that I love more than I ever thought I could ever love. I am a warrior. I am a mother. Just by existing he has saved my life. He saves my life every single day. With every single smile, with every single cry I am made more whole.