9/5/15 waiting and wanting

I have begun to reach my limit. I find myself sitting with loathing with every moment that I am forced care about what is being said. All the while I am listening to nonsense I am screaming out in my head that I know I deserve better. I want better from you....I know that you know that and that you can. You are so wrapped up in what you are doing that nothing can get in. I can't operate at my best when I am always in defense mode...survival mode. I am trying to preserve the little bit of me that is still left. I deserve to be the center of it all right now. I am carrying a child. I never thought it would be easy or fun all the time......but it is magical and wondrous. I am special and my experience unique. Never in my life did I think I would be made to feel like this by someone whose child I am carrying. I know, somehow, that this is not all wrong....that this child will be the light of my life and I will never be sorry. I only hope that I can get it together to be the woman, the mom the rock and the example for my son. I want to show my son what a strong woman looks like. What it means to live with a strong will and a soft heart. I look forward to what he will do for my life......for my heart. Feeling him grow in me has filled me with such anticipation. I spend most of my days feeling like I am not good enough, that I am always expected to be something that I am not. He knows me already from the inside. I look forward to just being....and loving him as he is, watching him grow and feeling the new love that I will bring into my own life.