12/24/2016

Family doesn't always look like what you thought. It isn't always blood. It isn't always people you choose. Sometimes it is about a person that you are tied to. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows. It isn't always about people that you love to spend time with. Sometimes it is about making the best of a sad situation. Sometimes it is about loving from a distance when the close up kind of love hurts too much. It is about making time for a person that makes you feel like shit. It is about doing everything you can to try to do the right thing, regardless of what other people may think. It is about making decisions that will allow you to sleep at night. There will always be regrets but one side will be easier to explain when the time comes. Family is not always what it looks like.

12/16/2016

None of this is real. We may have a good time, get along great. I may seem that we have come together for our child. It may seem like we have the same goal, that maybe, someday things could get better. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I get wrapped up in it all, in the family moments. Sometimes I even think that you still love me, that you respect me, that you want me. But, none of this is real. There is always something going on behind the scenes. There is always someone lingering in the background. There is always another member of the relationship that effects everything that happens. Maybe that shouldn't matter now. Maybe it doesn't......but it did. It was all a lie and until there is truth and only truth there is nowhere to build.