babble

I was thinking about love and pride and fear and loss. I was thinking about romance, emotional pain and self preservation. I was thinking that things don't always work out the way that you planned them to. No matter what your ideals of love, friendship, success, and future are, I believe that on some step of the way you will be disappointed, discouraged, hurt. You will inevitably lose something or someone important to you and usually it is for a stupid reason.

Lost & Found

Loss seems to be a resonating sound through my life as of late and it takes on many forms.

The loss of a life that I so feverishly built was gone in a flash. Although there is a certain calm that has come with it the emptiness grows......at times the pain subsides and yet I am still left with the pang of self loathing for staying when I should have gone long ago and for losing so many things and people that I never thought would ever go. I feel the severe pain for the loss of my true innocence. I can no longer claim naivety. I have felt the effects of true betrayal and it burns like a hand in the fire. I am paying the price for the misplacement of my un-dying heart. My unwillingness to let go and close my heart has created a huge defict in my life. If only I could have seen that all of my trials would only darken me further in the end. I think the point has been lost on most, that I have suffered greatly because of my choices. No matter how badly my actions have effected others it is my heart left with open wounds.